Of fear, cowardice and regret…

“I do not regret the things I’ve done, but those I did not do.”

While this quote is attributed to one Rory Cochrane, I believe there are many other variations that carry the same sentiment; i.e. if you don’t try something, you can never know what the outcome would have been.

Regret…

One of my biggest regrets, since I took up social running as a hobby, is missing out on the 90^th edition of the great Comrades Marathon. To this day I am unable to explain to myself why I was so terrified of this race all along. This, despite all the encouragement from fellow runners who had conquered this beast before me. I mean, now that I have tried it twice, and successfully completed it within my target time on both occasions, I cannot understand why I was so chicken back in 2015. After all, I do not believe I was any less ready for that 90^th edition than I was for the last two years’ editions.

Cowardice…

In this context, cowardice points to the unfounded and unreasonable fear to try out something new. You see, there are those things that you don’t want to do because you don’t find them appealing. And then, there are those things that you really want, but are too chicken to try. This, is the problem! Cowardice only leaves one with a long list of unfulfilled wishes, and a heart full of regrets. I know with certainty that I wanted to do Comrades, but I kept entertaining excuses such as: “I will do my first Comrades in 2019 when I turn 40…”. This is a shame because I had already qualified more than once; the foundation was laid. I readily admit that finishing Comrades takes more than just qualifying, but damn, I should have tried…

Fear…

Fear is a necessary part of our lives. It is our inbuilt airbag designed to cushion us against harm; whether self-inflicted or otherwise. In that sense, fear is good for alerting you to danger, but it should never be allowed to suppress one’s desired to “go beyond the wall“. Fear should just drive one to train hard, learn more about what the race involves, and many other things required to finish. That is how one harvests the power of fear in a positive manner.

And so, from this day forth, let it be that if I do not do something – it must be because I don’t want to do it and not because I am hiding in the shadow of fear, cowardice and regret.